We just recently had to put our dog down. She was my dog, who I adopted from the pound when she was almost two years old. I had to put her down about three weeks shy of her 17th birthday, so you can imagine that it was a little bit tough. She lived with me in my apartment my last year of college. First job? She was there for it. Got married? She was in the wedding. Birth of my son? She was there when we got home from the hospital.
It’s amazing to think that she was such a fixture for fifteen years of my life. While this isn’t the point of this article, I will say that I literally ran this dog ragged for the fifteen years she was under my care. If you have a dog, love them, and want them to live to shock veterinarians with their incredible health for their age—get them a ton of exercise. As with humans, it pays significant dividends.
Anywho, the point of this post is more about the mindset I used to approach putting our dog down: death, and dealing with death, is hard. Give people the benefit of the doubt in allowing them to approach the circumstances surrounding death in their own way.
That’s it, boiled down. Maybe someone doesn’t know what to say to the bereaved. Maybe they act oddly or don’t make the funeral. Whatever it is, there’s likely a reason, and it relates to the idea that death is hard to deal with. It’s possible that a recent death reminds a person of the death of someone close to them–their parents, their spouse, pet, sibling, or [God forbid] child. Perhaps it brings to light some until-now unrevealed fear: their own mortality or that a loved one is getting up there in age.
Whatever the cause, it’s important to keep in mind that death and the emotions surrounding it are extremely complicated. Everyone should do their best to give those experiencing it the benefit of the doubt. It will help everyone approach death with a little more grace. We could all use a bit more of that these days…
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne
Such good advice. And what is harder are the effects of the pandemic, when death is always present and the backstory to many of those deaths may make it hard to be sympathetic or graceful.